All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
