So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We are two peas in an std pod
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
