My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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