Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
