Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize