she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
