This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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