she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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