bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
