i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
