as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
