I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
