I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize