some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
