he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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