I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
