i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
