and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
