So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
