so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
