my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize