Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
