My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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