you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
