We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
