In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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