just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
