After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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