my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
