i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize