I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
