i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
