In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
