The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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