I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She bit a glass in half.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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