the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
