So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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