I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
