Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
