The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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