What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
