you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
