i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
