All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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