Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
