so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
