Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
