Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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