I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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