We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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