I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
