so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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