I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
