i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
