I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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