i will never coherently bang her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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