I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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