Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
