Welp...herpes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
