If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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