how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
