this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
