I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize