i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
