OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
