I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
