He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
