Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
