do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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