I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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