but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
