No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
