I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize