i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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